If You Read This Post And Don’t Get Offended…You Might Be A Super-Saint

Remember the ol’ Jeff Foxworthy “you might be a redneck” routine? “If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say ‘Cool Whip’ on the side…you might be a redneck.” “If your trailer park is hit by a tornado and does $100,000 worth of improvements…you might be a redneck.” Pretty funny stuff. Well, I’m messing with that a bit and presenting some “you might be a super-saint” lines. Fun Friday, I guess. 

If you read the whole KJV One-Year Bible in 6 months…you might be a super-saint. (You’ll have to supply the super-saint phrase for the rest of these.) 

If you pray for a parking spot and find one closest to the door…

If you raise a son who becomes the Sr. pastor of the 10th fastest growing church in America…

If you fast for 40 days and gain 5 pounds…

If you own the MacArthur Study Bible, Ryrie Study Bible, Maxwell Leadership Study Bible, Spirit-Filled Life Study Bible, Jeremiah Study Bible, Scofield Study Bible, Life Application Study Bible, Apologetics Study Bible, Archeology Study Bible, Fire Study Bible, Reformation Study Bible, Student & Teen Study Bible, NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, Every Man’s Study Bible, ESV Study Bible, Woman’s Study Bible, AND the King James Version (no study notes)… 

If you know your guardian angel’s first name…

If your knees are calloused from hours spent on them…

If you sponsor not 1 but 7 children with World Vision…

If you took a theology class at Wheaton and the prof asked you to guest lecture…

If a tornado hits your neighborhood and your house is the only one standing…

If you know Kurt Cameron personally…

If you can sing all four parts to the Hallelujah Chorus…

If you stay in Las Vegas for a weekend and never gamble…

If you can name 5 major Protestant reformers and what country they lived in…

If you’ve had your KJV for 6 months and it’s already falling apart…

If you have the preacher over for dinner twice in one month…

If you find a $10 bill on the sidewalk when you’re hungry… 

If you read Dostoevsky’s The Brother’s Karamazov all the way through in 2 months…

If you have an autographed picture of Tim Tebow and use it as an icon…

If you know verses 4, 6, & 8 of O God, Our Help in Ages Past (1719) and can sing them by heart…

If you pass by a street preacher in downtown St. Louis and are not embarrassed…

If you’ve read the 1000 page Hendrickson version of Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion and enjoyed it…

If you mash your thumb with a 32 oz claw hammer and start singing Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

If you regularly dream of walking an English garden hearing the sounds of angel’s singing…

If you’ve had a vision of heaven and yet were not involved in an accident when it happened…

If you can quote the 23rd Psalm in Hebrew having never studied the language…

If you can quote the 23rd Psalm at all…

If you’ve done every Bible study by Beth Moore and have pre-ordered her next one…

If you put a Bible verse on Facebook everyday to encourage your 672 friends…

If you are able to list the Gospel Coalition’s top 10 False Teachers of 2016…

If you can size up a person’s problems and know the solution having never talked to them…

If you raise $5.3 million to buy your ministry a Gulfstream jet…

If you listen to praise music more than 6 hours a day…

If you know the meaning of the Greek word koinonia and help other people to know the meaning too…

If God talks to you audibly as you eat your Rice Krispies every morning…

If you know the guaranteed secret to rearing godly children and write a book on it…

If you know the first name of every show host on Moody Radio…

If you can speak in tongues in 5 different languages…

If you go to church every time the doors are open…

If you can live in this culture and not be affected by it whatsoever…

…you might be a super-saint. 

Dr. K

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

4 thoughts on “If You Read This Post And Don’t Get Offended…You Might Be A Super-Saint

  1. Great Friday fun.
    Thanks Keith.
    I am no “super saint”, but I can recite the 23rd Psalm. Most days without stumbling.
    This I learned from my mother as we were traveling with both my kids (age 5 and 10 at the time). She wanted to redeem the long hours on the road by teaching Jon and Sam something worthwhile. It stuck with them, and it has stuck with me. Thanks Mom.

    • Hi Karen. Thanks for the journey down memory lane. Certainly “something worthwhile” for sure. I hope your story inspires others to do the same. Can we ever plumb the depths of the simple words of Psalm 23 – whether in thought or experience? It draws us to where God is. Oh to live there moment-by-moment! Thanks for engaging the UnCommon Journey. Love to you & Jeff. Keith

  2. Good for a laugh, Keith. Thanks!

    …I thought I was the only one who dreamed of English gardens and angel choruses 😉

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